I have not been welcomed by the familiar glow of a text post in a very long time; about a year, to be exact. However, today I was welcomed by a very kind message from a very kind person...
Although I haven't updated my blog recently, it is still helping people find their way out there in this big world. For this, I believe I must continue to write, even if only this one person benefits from it.
To begin my first entry of 2015 (wow, it's been so long...) I'd like to explain how I've been feeling lately. This question has been gnawing at me recently, and I must write to find the answer to it.
Do we ever really come home from extended travel?
In the past year, so many wonderful things have happened to me. I have moved between states, experienced life, met amazing people. But sometimes I feel like I am floating; somewhere else. It almost feels like I am in a dream but cannot wake. My body may be here, yet my mind is in new places; yearning for more.
It is no secret that I miss Denmark, but this feeling that is beginning to grow deep in my stomach, this feeling that is taking root in my heart and spreading through my veins, is new. For the longest time, I have not been able to identify it. Yet here, while I'm sitting at some coffee shop in Laramie, Wyoming, I finally realize it.
It is the feeling of adventure, of wanting to start new. There have been many changes in my life recently. My heart must know this. Therefore it wants more, it needs it. Is this normal? Maybe. But for those who know me, you know that I have never exactly been one to follow the norm. So, DO we ever really come back?
No.
Part of my soul still lives among the rolling hills and countryside of Denmark. But that is a consequence of becoming a world citizen. We leave part of ourselves behind, and this is not a bad thing. We are ever-changing, always growing, always finding new people to love, new places to live, new experiences to devour.
Along with this desire for travel that I have been feeling, I have also had lots of time to write. Continue reading if you'd like to find out about what else has been happening in my life recently.
For the Long Lost Writer.... She's Back & Pursuing Her English Degree
Lately I have been writing poetry, and lots of it. I should probably be writing my research paper for my English 1010 class, but my hands crave the familiarity of the smoothness that always settles itself in the pages of my journal. It's this feeling I get deep in my bones after I finish a poem, almost like I can taste every individual word...
I've been cranking out poems like it's my job. Hopefully, one day it will be. I've been working on a few pieces for my portfolio, some I've even submitted for publishing. They always say that you find yourself in college, and maybe I have. But I'd like to credit my self-discovery to my poems. I live inside them, they are me; fully encompassing every part of my personality.
As mentioned in the title, I am pursuing my English degree, and I'm also tacking on a minor in Creative Writing. I want to use my hobby to help fuel my career, no matter how many confused looks I receive when I tell people what my major is. It's always accompanied by the same dull and insensitive questions: "Aren't you worried that you'll make no money?" "What would you even do with a major like that?" "Shouldn't you look into a more practical major? Like engineering or maybe even nursing?"
I laugh at these questions; usually to myself for the sake of being polite. What they don't know is that I have a burning desire, a passion so great that only this one thing; only writing can tame it.
I may be a mediocre writer, but hell, it makes me happy so I'll continue to ramble, rant, however you choose to look at it. I'll continue even when no one reads my work anymore, because it's what I was meant to do. It satisfies me, and that's all that matters. It comes so naturally, that it would be a shame if I stopped. As Hemingway once said, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
If any of you out there have the patience to read my work, go for it. I'm laying it all out there in the open, something I haven't done in a long time. I have to say, it's more fulfilling than I could have imagined.
So here it is.
For the restless, for the sane,
For whoever, wherever you are.
Feel free to read, enjoy...
"The Runner"
i wanted to set fire
to my roots
watch them burn
and scatter the ashes
across beaches
and hotel suites
i was never the kind
to settle
but rather
to run at any sight
of a setting sun
i chased a night
which did not belong to me
i cradled the moon
soft against burning flesh
soothing to my soul
i ladled constellations
into parts of my heart
that waited in desperation
wanting more
needing more
i wrapped myself up
in unchartered skies
ebony black
dreading
the morning sun
- Dedicated to all of you out there who crave adventure, a change of pace, something new.
You're not alone :)
xoxo,
Mars
